She's Finally Coming to Portland!

I know that I risk being considered a Beth Moore "groupie" with all of the talk I do about her studies on this blog, but I don't mind. The truth is that her studies have changed the way I think about Bible study, which has, in turn, changed the way I feel about the Word of God, God Himself and my relationship with Him. For me to not be a fan of hers after all God has used her to do in my life would be just plain silly. I adore Beth, but make no mistake....my worship goes to God and God alone. That being said, Beth is coming, in the flesh to Portland, Oregon this April. I have never experienced a live event of hers, but I can only imagine that it must be powerful. Beth relies on the power of God the Father and His Holy Spirit to reveal to her a new and fresh word for every city that she visits. She never gives the same lesson twice. I don't know about you, but it excites me to know that God has a word for the women of Portland (and the women attending the Portland event from out of town) and Beth is going to share it with us. I want to make sure that all of you are aware that this opportunity exists. I want to encourage all of you, if there is any way for you to join us, please do. The link to the side of my blog is active and will take you to a site where you can purchase tickets. It will remain there until the event is over. You can also purchase tickets at Christian Supply.

Get excited, ladies! Be praying for Beth, Travis and everyone involved in this event. Be praying for the women attending, that the Holy Spirit would be ripening their hearts for the seeds Beth will be planting at that event. Pray for the city of Portland, that it will be impacted by the women who attend that event. On April 18, 2009, around 10 thousand women will be leaving the Memorial Coliseum on fire for our Savior. It's going to be contagious! Pray that the ripple effect of this event goes way beyond what we can even imagine.

Get your tickets, and if you know me personally, contact me because I will be organizing some carpooling and other things surrounding the event.

Read more...

I'm coming out of my American Idol closet

I am a huge American Idol fan. I thoroughly enjoy getting caught up in all of the drama of the competition. I love watching the show, debriefing the show, reading other people's thoughts on the show and then downloading the performances off of iTunes. I always pick a favorite and am fiercely loyal all the way until they inevitably get voted off, at which point I have to go through a mourning period. It was particularly hard the year the Constantine Maroulis got voted off extremely prematurely. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to continue to watch.

So this year I'm going to be adding my own 2 cents to my blog about the competition the way that many other bloggers do. I'm going to tread lightly here, because my natural tendency is to get a little bit snarky about the ones that I do not like, and I really don't want to put too much negativity on my blog. That's not what I'm here for. But I am going to keep it real, people.

Speaking of keeping it real, tonight was dreadful. When I first heard they had rearranged the elimination for the preliminary rounds, cutting all but 3 people out of 12, I was horrified. I felt certain that there would be no way to narrow it down to that few in only one night. I was wrong.

Jackie (who's last name I didn't write down)- "A Little Less Conversation"- Ummm....I had trouble getting past the spandex pants and the gigantic sneakers. I was really not a fan of her outfit and it made it hard for me to take her seriously. I think she can sing (better than most of the other people on the show, it turns out), but I did not love this performance.

Ricky Braddy "A Song for You"- This guy can sing. Hands down, without a doubt. He is good. But I was kind of bored. I kind of agreed with Simon that while he did everything right technically, he didn't seem to really exude the star power I need to get me on board. I'm hoping he has another chance to prove me wrong, though, because he can definitely sing.

Alexis Grace "Never Loved a Man"- I love her pink hair. If I was a 20-something blond-haired pixie-of-a-thing, I would totally be running out and getting some pink put in my hair. LOVE it. And I loved her performance. She's great. I have nothing else to say.

Brent Keith "Hick Town"- His energy didn't seem to match the song. I wanted to like him, and he seemed like a nice guy, but I think we're going to be saying good-bye to him tonight. His only hope is the snarky remark he made to Simon at the end. Those have been known to inspire people to vote.

Stevie Wright "You Belong with Me"- She had no business being on that stage and I don't say that to be mean. The poor thing. I just wanted to hug her. She is darling and I love that her name is Stevie. I'm sure that in her school talent show she is the best singer and when she sings at church I'm sure they love her. She should not have been on American Idol and I'm not sure what the judges were thinking. They have likely scarred this poor girl for life by putting her through this.

Anoop Desai "Angel of Mine"- I want to start this critique by first defending Brian McKnight. Really, Paula?!?! You compared Anoop to Brian McKnight?! I appreciate that you always want to find something positive to say about each contestant, but you don't need to throw perfectly fantastic singers under the bus to do it. Anoop may be good. He sounded like there could be potential there. I couldn't get over the whole "boy band" vibe I was getting, though. I'll be happy to give him another chance, but tonight, I wasn't impressed.

Casey Carlson "Every Little Thing (s)He Does is Magic"- Poor thing. I'm pretty sure she thought she was at the Miss Teen USA pageant. Too much winking and silliness. Not enough of a voice. She is absolutely darling and I wish her well. But we will not be seeing her again.

Michael Sarver "I Don't Wanna Be"- This guy is so darn like able it's easy to overlook his imperfect singing, which wasn't all that imperfect, actually. I don't think he is going to win the votes tonight, but he stands a good chance at getting a wild card spot and I'm glad for it.

Ann Marie Boskovich "Natural Woman"- I think her nerves ruined this one for her. And her song choice. It did make her seem old. But she can sing, and I'd like to see her get another chance. Not likely, though.

Stephen Fowler "Rock with You"- I like him. I like his voice. I did not like him singing this song. It sounded a lot like something I could hear in an elevator. And I want to be clear.....I LOVE old school Michael Jackson. Something about this arrangement and his energy just didn't do it for me. He's another one that could possibly receive a wild card, however.

Tatiano Del Toro "Saving All My Love for You"- OK, seriously....here is where I am going to have to bite my tongue. She is not a horrible singer. That is all I will say.

***It is at this point in the broadcast that they reminded all of us that the performances we were listening to tonight could all be downloaded on iTunes for our future listening pleasure. Not going to happen, tonight, people.***

Last but not least.....(drum roll, please.....)

Danny Gokey "Hero"- I'm not sure if he was really, really good or just really, really good compared to everyone else. Time will tell. Suffice it to say, he was the favorite tonight.

So to sum up, my picks are:
Girl- Alexis Grace
Boy-Danny Gokey
3rd spot- either Ricky Braddy or Michael Sarver, but for opposite reasons. If Ricky gets through, it's on his awesome voice and OK personality. If Michael gets through, it's for his awesome personality and OK voice.

So there you have it. My first official AI post. It's not looking like a promising season so far, but I'll be hanging in there. How about you?

Read more...

I love coupons

I just discovered this website. I am a super big nerd when it comes to clipping coupons and saving money at the grocery store. This site is specifically for Oregon and SW Washington, so if you live near me, check this site out!

Read more...

A Confession

Elijah has his first Valentine's Day party at school tomorrow. You know, the ones with the heart shaped "mailboxes" and cheesy valentines for everyone in the class. The truth is, I've been kind of excited about all of these "rights of passage" for him and had every intention of making homemade valentines until we had the month we just had. In fact, I kind of keep forgetting that Valentine's Day is this weekend. Today Mark and I decided that with the past few weeks we've had, we are perfectly happy celebrating with some take-out and a DVD (truthfully, I'm not a huge fan of the forced romance and unrealistic expectations that this holiday sets up for couples).

Anyway....back to my original point.

So I conceded the fact that I did not have the time, energy or creativity to create 10 little treats for all of Elijah's classmates. While at Target over the weekend, I threw a box of Mickey Mouse valentines in the cart next to the cough drops and the laundry detergent. I was a little bit sad that I was resorting to something premade, but knew there was no shame in it. I was, however, at the very least, going to make sure that Elijah signed his own name to each and every one of those valentines.

Until I started the process and realized that Elijah has yet to master the writing of his name on a 2x2 strip of card stock in between Donald Duck and several pink hearts. He was lucky to fit an "E". I thought about letting that remain his signature until I remembered that there are an Elijah, Ethan, Elliot and Ella in his class. Signing the cards with an "E" wasn't going to cut it. Not to mention the fact that it was taking Elijah
f-o-r-e-v-e-r to write said "E". And I was tired. And he was tired. And Micah was tired. And Mark was working late.

So, ladies and gentlemen. I forged my son's Valentine's Day cards. I admit it. Not only did I buy cheap, premade, cheesy cards, I didn't even allow Elijah the time to sign them himself. I don't feel good about it. I'm having to fight the desire I'm feeling to go buy lots of chocolate to attach to the valentines in an effort to distract from the obviously phony signatures. It would only be to assuage my guilt and that's no way to parent. And clearly, if you want to know how to parent, just ask me. The Mother-of-the-Year.

Read more...

The Best Laid Plans....

Oh, how I wanted today to be something wonderful. A day of putting my home back together. Removing the clutter that had started to overtake my desk and cleaning under the appliances in the kitchen instead of just around them. I was looking forward to spending time on the floor, playing with my kids instead of just pulling out a toy, pointing to it and hoping that they would give me a little peace and quiet. I had visions of a productive and replenishing day spent comfy in our pj's.

So far the only part I got right was the pj's.

It's nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm only on my second load of laundry. Only one bed in the house is made and most of my interaction with the kids today has been refereeing the fighting they've been doing over the fun new toys our friends brought back for them from India. I guess I was expecting too much of all of us to think that our first day back to normal would be perfection. I think we all need a little time before we are going to feel well-rested, well-adjusted and well-behaved.

Read more...

Here you go, Glynna!

I was reminded today that I needed to update on how the service went. It went fine. That's really the best word I can use to describe it. It turns out the things I was worried about were not the things I should have been worried about.

The graveside service was my favorite. It was much more intimate, only close family and friends. It was much simpler, but much more meaningful for that very reason. My Father-in-Law had served our country in the Marine Corps. in his youth, so he was given a military burial, complete with 'Taps' being played on a single trumpet and a flag draped over the coffin before being folded and presented to my Mother-in-Law. Both of my boys were fascinated by the trumpet player, who stood at quite a distance from us, as they do. With incredible precision, the Marines took hold of the corners of the flag as is lay over the casket, and then 'popped' it up to flat so they could begin folding. It was really neat. Elijah thought so, too, and in the midst of all of the silence he said "Wow! That's cool!" Mark's Uncle Rick said "You are absolutely right, young man, that is very cool." It was a sweet moment and I know my Father-in-Law would have loved it.

The service at the church was simply what it was. I do not want to disrespect anyone on this blog, so I won't say much. I will just say that I do not agree with the teachings of the church where the service was held. I had my eyes opened to some things I didn't know and it has changed my opinion of this particular denomination. I still believe they are Christians and are lovely, wonderful people. There was just an area of doctrine that I used to consider a gray area that I no longer do. It was preached yesterday in black and white and it is something I believe to be wrong. Needless to say, that colored my opinion of the service and so I have very little positive to say about it.

The luncheon afterwards was nice. The church was very generous in the spread they provided and it was nice to visit. Some of my husband's relatives that I consider among my favorites live very far away, so it was nice to see them and catch up a little bit. The thing that was interesting was that instead of finding myself defending the joy of the Lord and peace I was feeling, I found myself having to defend my life choices. A lot of Mark's family members do not understand my decision to stay home with our children if we can't afford to buy a home. This is a priorities issue and we just have different priorities. None of them were unkind. They mean well, they just don't understand.

So now it's done. It was relatively painless and sometimes downright pleasant. Not that I need to do that again anytime soon. Nor do I want my own memorial service to resemble it in any way. But it was what it was. Now we can begin putting our life back together again. I feel like the last couple of weeks have had us in a holding pattern. Unable to really start finding normalcy until the services were over. I have felt like we've been kind of treading water, keeping our heads just enough above the surface. Meanwhile laundry is piled up and I almost forgot to pay for Elijah's preschool this month. Tonight we will have dinner with a few of Mark's out-of-town family but then tomorrow I will not be getting out of my pajamas. The kids and I will lay in bed in the morning and watch cartoons together. Then we'll get up and have a fun, productive day. Clothes will be washed and bathrooms will be cleaned in between games of Candy Land and Legos. And we will begin seeing what normal life feels like without my Grandma Kay and my Father-in-Law, Lee.

Read more...

I'm nervous, so I rambled a post.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest days of my life. Mostly because I just plain old don't know how to do what it is that I need to do tomorrow. At 10:00 tomorrow morning I will be attending the funeral of my husband's father and my children's grandfather. This is an old fashioned funeral, the kind that requires you wear dark colors. I am not used to this kind of mourning. I am used to the kind of mourning that may be melancholy and bittersweet, but that is ultimately hopeful and peaceful. The Bible certainly supports a time for mourning and Jesus certainly wept bitterly when Lazarus died (despite the fact that he knew it was only a temporary situation). So I don't ever want to diminish any one's need to weep over the loss of a loved one. But the Bible says we are also not to grieve as those who have no hope. And the funeral I'm going to be attending tomorrow is not one that will be focusing on the hope. I know the person performing the service and to be sure, he is a godly man. The problem is that the room will be filled with people who see death as a finality. And I don't. Despite the fact the my father-in-law spent the last several years of his life unable to attend church services, he still received monthly communion in his home from his pastor. I believe he is in heaven. I do not want to wear black and a frown all day tomorrow. I do not know how to grieve hopelessly. Nor do I want to. But I certainly do not want to be disrespectful to those who are not in the same frame of mind that I am in. So do I say nothing? Do I smile and nod? Do I act as though I can commiserate with them? Do I try and be uplifting? I don't know. I honestly have no idea how to do what I am facing tomorrow.

This is uncharted territory for me. It is also uncharted territory for my husband. I want to be the wife he needs me to be. I want to be the daughter-in-law I'm needed to be. I want to be the sister-in-law and the aunt I need to be tomorrow. But I have no idea what that is. I wish I had a nice way to wrap this post up. I don't. I'm rambling. I'm asking for prayer. I'm just getting this off my chest. I'm nervous. So I'm rambling. Prayer. I need prayer. I need to pray. Pray that every word that comes off of my tongue tomorrow will be of the Holy Spirit. Pray that my frustrations and prejudices would remain utterly silent. Pray that I would somehow be able to share Jesus' love, even if it is only through a smile or a hug. Pray that the Peace of God, which passes all understanding would be abundant for all who ask for it tomorrow. Pray. I'm going to go and pray.

Read more...

Today I'm Thankful

I am feeling so warm and fuzzy today I'm wondering if that decongestant I took this morning was really something a little stronger. I'm finding myself overwhelmed with thankfulness. For some reason the little things (and the big things) are making me weep (literally....hormones) with joy. It's all kind of random and not really connected in any way, so I'm going to thrill you all with another list.

1. I started this morning by listening to the audio download of the video I missed at Bible study yesterday. I woke up early and listened to it while it was still dark and I was still comfy in my bed. My kids were still sleeping. It was amazing. It truly blew my mind. If you want to have your socks knocked off, go download Beth Moore's Esther Bible study, Session 4. You can find it at Lifeway.com or on iTunes. It stands alone as a really relevant lesson even if you haven't been participating in the whole study. It was awesome.

2. I learned last night that 12 women from my church have signed up to bring meals for my Mother-in-Law. This is huge. I mentioned it to my friend, Jonna, who runs our Meals-on-Wheels program at church and thought maybe we'd get 4 or 5 women who would be willing (my MIL does not attend our church). This is going to be a tremendous blessing for my Mother-in-Law as she is going through the devastating loss of her husband. She does not have the joy of the Lord and is finding that grief is consuming her. I would love to see her come to know the Lord in a real way eventually and I think this outreach by my girlfriends at church is going to go a long way to touching her heart and warming her up to the idea of coming to church with us in the future.

3. I just found out from my Dad and then by reading my cousin's blog that a portion of my blog was read at my Grandma's service. It thrills me to know that even though I could not be there, I was still represented there. Thank you, Rachael!! It means a lot to me!

4. My Mom (and my Aunts) got tattoos in honor of my Grandma while they were in Los Angeles. I think that is so hilarious and awesome at the same time! The only thing I don't like about it is that I wasn't there to have it done, too. I will be soon, though. I saw my Mom's tattoo last night and it's totally gorgeous and tasteful. Really beautiful.

5. I just got word that one of my favorite people is going to have another baby!! Yay Susan and Ranjit!! Yohan is so stinkin' cute....you're going to have a tough time living up to that level of cuteness with this next one, but I have faith.

6. My girlfriend, Mary, who runs marathons (crazy) said I have been on her heart so much that she had a dream the other day that I was running the Chicago marathon with her. I about died laughing. That is nothing short of hilarious. There would be nothing cute about me trying to even run around the block....don't even get me started on running a marathon!

7. I'm going out with my family tonight to celebrate Kayla's birthday and then they're all coming over here to play games and eat cake. I've never been so excited to see my family in my life. I've never been so excited to laugh. It's going to be great.

8. I have a new episode of 'The Office' and '30 Rock' on my DVR waiting for me.

9. I recently tried Sonic's Cherry Limeade after hearing all about it on a few blogs and I have to tell you....I'm not sure how I've lived my life thus far without it. When my husband saw my expression when I was drinking it, he asked "Does it complete you?" and I said "It had me at hello. It had me at hello."

10. I am going to end the list now. I could seriously go on and on. God has just tendered my heart to all of my blessings this morning, big and small. I wanted to share some of them. There are more. Obviously. But these are the ones that are rocking my world this morning. I hope you all are having your socks blessed off, too. Have a great weekend!

Read more...

I just bit my husband's head off.

I have been trying so hard to be victorious through this whole season we're going through. God has been faithful. He has prompted friends to send emails and make phone calls at times that I really needed encouragement. He has been faithful to prompt me to pray instead of freak out when things have seemed more than I could bear. He has been good. I want to make sure and preface this post with that so you all know this wasn't Him. I just blew it.

This morning was Mark's first day back to work. It was a tough pill for me to swallow because my kids and I are all still sick as dogs. My head is so full of congestion that I can barely keep it upright, let alone use it to think with. And yet today my kids are going to be relying on me to play with them, cook for them, clean up after them and take care of them. This is very hard to do when you feel like your head is going to roll off of your shoulders if you try to get off the couch. Just sayin'.

So this morning I have been indulging my self-pity a little too much. I did not get to go to my Bible study, and you all know how that recharges my batteries. So every time one of my kids has whined to me about some toy the other has "stolen" from them, I have looked at the clock wished I was with my ladies, being blessed by some awesome teaching from the book of Esther. And feeling sorry for myself that I am not. I have not seen my family in nearly 2 weeks because they have been on the road and in Los Angeles, tending to my Grandmother's memorial and her affairs. For some people 2 weeks without their family is probably not a big deal. I rarely go 2 days without seeing my mom, my dad, my aunt or my brother and sister-in-law.

I have had to take advantage of every moment Mark's been home to sleep and try and knock this bug out of me, so I feel like I haven't seen him lately either. I feel terrible that he has needed me to be healthy right now and I'm just not. Fortunately, he has the same hope in the Lord that I have, so he is not feeling despondent over his father's passing. Much like I was with my Grandma, he needed a good "ugly cry" and a day or two to get used to the idea, but he's really feeling at peace with it all now.

I guess that's why I thought it was OK to chew him out when he called me this morning from work to tell me that he was not coming straight home after work but to his brother's house instead so he could help pick out bible verses for the service on Monday. I lost it. The only thing holding me together today was counting the minutes until he was home to help me with the kiddos. Now he won't be home until after they are in bed. All so he can help pick out verses. Verses that could be discussed over the phone or via email, right? Nope. They want to do this together. Before you think I'm being totally unsympathetic, let me tell you that he has spent the better part of the last three days with them or on the phone with them. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it took them an entire day and several more phone calls the next day to choose between 2 different caskets. This was time that could have been spent choosing verses.

OK....ranting done.

The truth is, I am his wife. I need to give him and his family grace during this time and I could not even give him kindness this morning when he called. I immediately called him back and apologized and he is such a great guy that he forgave me and completely understood that I'm just losing my mind a little bit from all that's been happening. That's not a good excuse, but it's the reason. So I guess I'm still living in victory after all. Despite the fact that I had a lapse in joy this morning, God immediately convicted me and gave me the courage to ask for forgiveness. He blessed my husband with compassion for his wife, who is going crazy. And despite the fact that I behaved badly this morning, my husband knows I love him, I know he loves me, and God is still very, very good.

But I will be really glad when life starts looking at least a little bit normal again.

Read more...

It's getting to be down right comical.

So I keep coming on here, posting about how overwhelming things are and how I know God is going to sustain me through it. I think He is making sure I really mean it because He just keeps adding stuff to the list of things we're struggling with right now. My head cold has turned into what is likely an ear infection and Elijah is up with his first ear infection tonight as well. We've had some false alarms with him in the past, but this is definitely and ear infection. He is a mess. I've never seen him so inconsolable. We've done everything we know how to do so now I'm just waiting for the On-call nurse to call us back to give us some more ideas. They don't (in general) see kids in office for ear infections anymore, but hopefully she can give us some tips on how to get him comfortable enough to sleep. So that we can sleep. Because we both really, really need it.

Read more...

My Weakness, His Strength

A couple of days ago I wrote a post about how January was an unreasonable month. I had no idea what I was talking about. Right now I am facing an unreasonable task. I have NO idea how to do what I am going to have to do for the next few days or weeks. I am currently sick with a head cold. I feel miserable. My plans for today while Mark was at work were to read books and watch movies with my kids while I floated on the couch with some cold medicine. All of a sudden I am having to make dinner for my Mother-in-Law, Brother-in-Law and niece. In a home that has received very little attention in the cleaning department lately. I had not so much as showered or made the beds. And honestly, I wasn't going to today.

Yet here I am. I was already at the end of my rope when it came to long days with the kids here at home. I was already at the end of my rope emotionally. I was already at the end of holding on to my health. I was already completely depleted. I had nothing left to give but thought that was OK. I thought I was about to get a break. Little did I know I was about to face the hardest part yet. Now I don't just have to have enough strength for myself. Now I have to have enough strength for myself and my husband. I have to be the one who takes care of details that those closer to my Father-in-Law are too emotional to handle. I'm the one who has to keep my head on straight so that Mark and his family can have permission to fall apart and grieve for a couple of days. I'm the one.

Lord, it's unreasonable.

I'm so thankful that God knows it's unreasonable, too. He's not looking at me in judgement, wondering why I can't just "get it together" and "get it done". He's looking at me and saying "I know it's too much. I do not expect you to be able to do this. Don't be ashamed that you can't do this. My strength is made perfect in your weakness." So I'm just letting go of it. I'm going to submit to my weakness and my frailty and instead let His Strength take over. I will look back at this time and be able to see God carrying me through it, because I am simply not capable. Anything I am about to do is going to have to be all Him. And He wouldn't want it any other way.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Cor. 12:9 (NLT)

Read more...

The Grass Isn't Always Greener

So I thought February would be better. And it still may be, overall. It's not starting out so great, though. On the heels of my SIL's father passing away (very suddenly, at a very young age), my beloved Grandma left us. I was just starting to get used to that idea when I received the phone call this morning that Mark's Dad passed away. My Father-in-Law. Mark was already at work when he got the news, so he is on his way home now.

I've been praying and talking to my family and a girlfriend and praying some more. This is a part of being a wife that I don't know how to do. I don't know how to comfort my husband through the loss of his father. My family is very sarcastic and funny. A good portion of our mourning process has been laughter. My Grandma would have had it no other way. Mark's family is not like that. This will not be considered a time to celebrate my FIL's life. It will be considered a time to be mournful. I'm praying that the Lord will remove any inappropriate words from my tongue and replace them with the words my husband and his family need to hear.

I feel a little bit like I'm in a dream. It all seems kind of unreal. Too much has happened in too short a time for it to be real. And yet it is. But so is our God. So we'll make it through.

Read more...

My blog is slowly becoming a memorial site to my Grandma....

I found this video while looking for pictures to send to my uncle for the memorial service. It made me cry (obviously), but it also made me laugh. I love her so much.

Read more...