Poor Choices

When Mark and I first made the decision that I would stay home with Elijah, things were tight. In fact, I'm not even sure that tight is the correct word. To give you an example of how tight things were, one payday Mark and I decided to take the kids to IHOP. I hadn't balanced the checkbook and payed bills yet, but it was IHOP. How much could that cost?? Our meal came to just over $15, with tip. That meal ended up putting us so close to overdrawing our account I was sweating over every penny for two weeks until we got paid again. I wish I was exaggerating.

What is extraordinary to me about that story is that I was walking in more freedom financially than I am now. Mark is currently bringing in nearly a thousand dollars more a month than he was when we made that trip to IHOP, and yet I am more stressed out about money than I have ever been in my life. Never have I been more convinced about the old adage that "Money can't buy me love" or peace, or happiness, or whatever it is that I might be looking for. I can not begin to tell you how many times back then I asked God for just a "little more breathing room" in our budget. I have the breathing room I asked for. I've just spent it all.

So this January, when my New Year's Resolution was to "die to self" more every day, God placed it on my heart that the focus was financial health. I thought physical health was really the priority (and certainly, it is important), but He made it very clear that He needed me to submit our finances to Him. Not just the tithe check I may (or may not) have written. All of it. Every penny we were blessed with needed to become His. I had, over the course of the last few years, become very loose with the "discretionary income" we had and the credit cards I had in my wallet. Like the frog in the kettle, the water got warmer and warmer and warmer as my credit card balances got larger and larger and larger. My mantra became "What's 20 more dollars?". My prayer became "Forgive me that 20 more dollars".

So I find myself in a position to pay off debt that I owe. Financially and Spiritually. I'm ashamed of it. Part of me doesn't even want to write this post. The reason I am is because I know I feel like the only Christian who has made these poor choices, yet statistics prove otherwise. I want someone out there to know that there are others out there who have blown it financially. Just because we attend church, lead Bible study and are on Women's Ministry Leadership Team does not mean that we have it all together. No way.

So after lots of prayer and even more tears, I have started my own business. I wanted so badly to help our family financially, yet I was not willing to squander my children's childhood working Saturdays at Taco Bell if the LORD was willing to give me another alternative. Praise Him, He did. Through several prompts, He led me to a home-based business called "Scentsy". Anyone who knows me knows that I have spent hundreds of dollars at "Yankee Candle" over the years. I love candles and I love home fragrance. I do not want this post to become merely an advertisement for my new company, so I won't dwell too much. Suffice it to say, Scentsy is a new way of thinking about fragrance and I ADORE it. It's easy for me to sell because I really, really love it. I have a link on my sidebar to my website and if you decided to purchase anything it would bless me tremendously (OK....end of pitch).

The purpose of this post is not to sell you anything (honestly). It's to tell you how faithful our God is. Despite the fact that I made poor financial choices and withheld from Him what was rightly His, He has blessed me with a way to repay my debt with a product I absolutely love. He is faithful. Even when we are not. He could have made me scrub toilets to repay my debt (not that there is anything wrong with that. I love you, Dad!). But He didn't. He's letting me repay my family and enjoy myself doing it. He is far too good for me.

If a blog is posted in the forest and no one is there to read it, does it still make a sound?

I have no idea what caused me to be away from my blog for so long. It was not a planned hiatus, nor was I lacking in things to blog about. Since I last posted, my husband had his backpack stolen, which happened to include his wallet. This created a month's worth of blog posts right there as I dealt with banks, credit card companies and insurance agents. I also started my own home business and got to see my BFF Beth Moore live and in person. I just never made my way to the computer to type out some mediocrity about any of those things. In fact, until yesterday, I think I had decided that the blog and I had parted ways. I decided it had been too long, and surprisingly, I hadn't missed it very much.

But yesterday, in the course of just a couple of hours, I received a handful of requests about where I'd been and why I wasn't blogging, and I realized that I really DID miss my blog. I missed having an outlet and a place to put down some thoughts about life and kids and Jesus. So I think I'm back. Rather than trying to put together any sort of post right now beyond this one, I will just leave it at that. I think I'm going to start blogging again. Try and contain your excitement.

She's Finally Coming to Portland!

I know that I risk being considered a Beth Moore "groupie" with all of the talk I do about her studies on this blog, but I don't mind. The truth is that her studies have changed the way I think about Bible study, which has, in turn, changed the way I feel about the Word of God, God Himself and my relationship with Him. For me to not be a fan of hers after all God has used her to do in my life would be just plain silly. I adore Beth, but make no mistake....my worship goes to God and God alone. That being said, Beth is coming, in the flesh to Portland, Oregon this April. I have never experienced a live event of hers, but I can only imagine that it must be powerful. Beth relies on the power of God the Father and His Holy Spirit to reveal to her a new and fresh word for every city that she visits. She never gives the same lesson twice. I don't know about you, but it excites me to know that God has a word for the women of Portland (and the women attending the Portland event from out of town) and Beth is going to share it with us. I want to make sure that all of you are aware that this opportunity exists. I want to encourage all of you, if there is any way for you to join us, please do. The link to the side of my blog is active and will take you to a site where you can purchase tickets. It will remain there until the event is over. You can also purchase tickets at Christian Supply.

Get excited, ladies! Be praying for Beth, Travis and everyone involved in this event. Be praying for the women attending, that the Holy Spirit would be ripening their hearts for the seeds Beth will be planting at that event. Pray for the city of Portland, that it will be impacted by the women who attend that event. On April 18, 2009, around 10 thousand women will be leaving the Memorial Coliseum on fire for our Savior. It's going to be contagious! Pray that the ripple effect of this event goes way beyond what we can even imagine.

Get your tickets, and if you know me personally, contact me because I will be organizing some carpooling and other things surrounding the event.

I'm coming out of my American Idol closet

I am a huge American Idol fan. I thoroughly enjoy getting caught up in all of the drama of the competition. I love watching the show, debriefing the show, reading other people's thoughts on the show and then downloading the performances off of iTunes. I always pick a favorite and am fiercely loyal all the way until they inevitably get voted off, at which point I have to go through a mourning period. It was particularly hard the year the Constantine Maroulis got voted off extremely prematurely. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to continue to watch.

So this year I'm going to be adding my own 2 cents to my blog about the competition the way that many other bloggers do. I'm going to tread lightly here, because my natural tendency is to get a little bit snarky about the ones that I do not like, and I really don't want to put too much negativity on my blog. That's not what I'm here for. But I am going to keep it real, people.

Speaking of keeping it real, tonight was dreadful. When I first heard they had rearranged the elimination for the preliminary rounds, cutting all but 3 people out of 12, I was horrified. I felt certain that there would be no way to narrow it down to that few in only one night. I was wrong.

Jackie (who's last name I didn't write down)- "A Little Less Conversation"- Ummm....I had trouble getting past the spandex pants and the gigantic sneakers. I was really not a fan of her outfit and it made it hard for me to take her seriously. I think she can sing (better than most of the other people on the show, it turns out), but I did not love this performance.

Ricky Braddy "A Song for You"- This guy can sing. Hands down, without a doubt. He is good. But I was kind of bored. I kind of agreed with Simon that while he did everything right technically, he didn't seem to really exude the star power I need to get me on board. I'm hoping he has another chance to prove me wrong, though, because he can definitely sing.

Alexis Grace "Never Loved a Man"- I love her pink hair. If I was a 20-something blond-haired pixie-of-a-thing, I would totally be running out and getting some pink put in my hair. LOVE it. And I loved her performance. She's great. I have nothing else to say.

Brent Keith "Hick Town"- His energy didn't seem to match the song. I wanted to like him, and he seemed like a nice guy, but I think we're going to be saying good-bye to him tonight. His only hope is the snarky remark he made to Simon at the end. Those have been known to inspire people to vote.

Stevie Wright "You Belong with Me"- She had no business being on that stage and I don't say that to be mean. The poor thing. I just wanted to hug her. She is darling and I love that her name is Stevie. I'm sure that in her school talent show she is the best singer and when she sings at church I'm sure they love her. She should not have been on American Idol and I'm not sure what the judges were thinking. They have likely scarred this poor girl for life by putting her through this.

Anoop Desai "Angel of Mine"- I want to start this critique by first defending Brian McKnight. Really, Paula?!?! You compared Anoop to Brian McKnight?! I appreciate that you always want to find something positive to say about each contestant, but you don't need to throw perfectly fantastic singers under the bus to do it. Anoop may be good. He sounded like there could be potential there. I couldn't get over the whole "boy band" vibe I was getting, though. I'll be happy to give him another chance, but tonight, I wasn't impressed.

Casey Carlson "Every Little Thing (s)He Does is Magic"- Poor thing. I'm pretty sure she thought she was at the Miss Teen USA pageant. Too much winking and silliness. Not enough of a voice. She is absolutely darling and I wish her well. But we will not be seeing her again.

Michael Sarver "I Don't Wanna Be"- This guy is so darn like able it's easy to overlook his imperfect singing, which wasn't all that imperfect, actually. I don't think he is going to win the votes tonight, but he stands a good chance at getting a wild card spot and I'm glad for it.

Ann Marie Boskovich "Natural Woman"- I think her nerves ruined this one for her. And her song choice. It did make her seem old. But she can sing, and I'd like to see her get another chance. Not likely, though.

Stephen Fowler "Rock with You"- I like him. I like his voice. I did not like him singing this song. It sounded a lot like something I could hear in an elevator. And I want to be clear.....I LOVE old school Michael Jackson. Something about this arrangement and his energy just didn't do it for me. He's another one that could possibly receive a wild card, however.

Tatiano Del Toro "Saving All My Love for You"- OK, seriously....here is where I am going to have to bite my tongue. She is not a horrible singer. That is all I will say.

***It is at this point in the broadcast that they reminded all of us that the performances we were listening to tonight could all be downloaded on iTunes for our future listening pleasure. Not going to happen, tonight, people.***

Last but not least.....(drum roll, please.....)

Danny Gokey "Hero"- I'm not sure if he was really, really good or just really, really good compared to everyone else. Time will tell. Suffice it to say, he was the favorite tonight.

So to sum up, my picks are:
Girl- Alexis Grace
Boy-Danny Gokey
3rd spot- either Ricky Braddy or Michael Sarver, but for opposite reasons. If Ricky gets through, it's on his awesome voice and OK personality. If Michael gets through, it's for his awesome personality and OK voice.

So there you have it. My first official AI post. It's not looking like a promising season so far, but I'll be hanging in there. How about you?

I love coupons

I just discovered this website. I am a super big nerd when it comes to clipping coupons and saving money at the grocery store. This site is specifically for Oregon and SW Washington, so if you live near me, check this site out!

A Confession

Elijah has his first Valentine's Day party at school tomorrow. You know, the ones with the heart shaped "mailboxes" and cheesy valentines for everyone in the class. The truth is, I've been kind of excited about all of these "rights of passage" for him and had every intention of making homemade valentines until we had the month we just had. In fact, I kind of keep forgetting that Valentine's Day is this weekend. Today Mark and I decided that with the past few weeks we've had, we are perfectly happy celebrating with some take-out and a DVD (truthfully, I'm not a huge fan of the forced romance and unrealistic expectations that this holiday sets up for couples).

Anyway....back to my original point.

So I conceded the fact that I did not have the time, energy or creativity to create 10 little treats for all of Elijah's classmates. While at Target over the weekend, I threw a box of Mickey Mouse valentines in the cart next to the cough drops and the laundry detergent. I was a little bit sad that I was resorting to something premade, but knew there was no shame in it. I was, however, at the very least, going to make sure that Elijah signed his own name to each and every one of those valentines.

Until I started the process and realized that Elijah has yet to master the writing of his name on a 2x2 strip of card stock in between Donald Duck and several pink hearts. He was lucky to fit an "E". I thought about letting that remain his signature until I remembered that there are an Elijah, Ethan, Elliot and Ella in his class. Signing the cards with an "E" wasn't going to cut it. Not to mention the fact that it was taking Elijah
f-o-r-e-v-e-r to write said "E". And I was tired. And he was tired. And Micah was tired. And Mark was working late.

So, ladies and gentlemen. I forged my son's Valentine's Day cards. I admit it. Not only did I buy cheap, premade, cheesy cards, I didn't even allow Elijah the time to sign them himself. I don't feel good about it. I'm having to fight the desire I'm feeling to go buy lots of chocolate to attach to the valentines in an effort to distract from the obviously phony signatures. It would only be to assuage my guilt and that's no way to parent. And clearly, if you want to know how to parent, just ask me. The Mother-of-the-Year.

The Best Laid Plans....

Oh, how I wanted today to be something wonderful. A day of putting my home back together. Removing the clutter that had started to overtake my desk and cleaning under the appliances in the kitchen instead of just around them. I was looking forward to spending time on the floor, playing with my kids instead of just pulling out a toy, pointing to it and hoping that they would give me a little peace and quiet. I had visions of a productive and replenishing day spent comfy in our pj's.

So far the only part I got right was the pj's.

It's nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm only on my second load of laundry. Only one bed in the house is made and most of my interaction with the kids today has been refereeing the fighting they've been doing over the fun new toys our friends brought back for them from India. I guess I was expecting too much of all of us to think that our first day back to normal would be perfection. I think we all need a little time before we are going to feel well-rested, well-adjusted and well-behaved.