My Weakness, His Strength

A couple of days ago I wrote a post about how January was an unreasonable month. I had no idea what I was talking about. Right now I am facing an unreasonable task. I have NO idea how to do what I am going to have to do for the next few days or weeks. I am currently sick with a head cold. I feel miserable. My plans for today while Mark was at work were to read books and watch movies with my kids while I floated on the couch with some cold medicine. All of a sudden I am having to make dinner for my Mother-in-Law, Brother-in-Law and niece. In a home that has received very little attention in the cleaning department lately. I had not so much as showered or made the beds. And honestly, I wasn't going to today.

Yet here I am. I was already at the end of my rope when it came to long days with the kids here at home. I was already at the end of my rope emotionally. I was already at the end of holding on to my health. I was already completely depleted. I had nothing left to give but thought that was OK. I thought I was about to get a break. Little did I know I was about to face the hardest part yet. Now I don't just have to have enough strength for myself. Now I have to have enough strength for myself and my husband. I have to be the one who takes care of details that those closer to my Father-in-Law are too emotional to handle. I'm the one who has to keep my head on straight so that Mark and his family can have permission to fall apart and grieve for a couple of days. I'm the one.

Lord, it's unreasonable.

I'm so thankful that God knows it's unreasonable, too. He's not looking at me in judgement, wondering why I can't just "get it together" and "get it done". He's looking at me and saying "I know it's too much. I do not expect you to be able to do this. Don't be ashamed that you can't do this. My strength is made perfect in your weakness." So I'm just letting go of it. I'm going to submit to my weakness and my frailty and instead let His Strength take over. I will look back at this time and be able to see God carrying me through it, because I am simply not capable. Anything I am about to do is going to have to be all Him. And He wouldn't want it any other way.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Cor. 12:9 (NLT)