This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves
to be my disciples. John 15:8

My joy and my crown

>> Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Since I wrote my post yesterday, I have received not one, but two emails from women in the Bible study I lead asking me for favors. They were both overly kind about thanking me for "all that I do" (not really all that much) and qualifying their requests with an "if it's not too much trouble".

Here's the kicker....Not only is it not too much trouble, I love every minute of it. I almost feel guilty calling what I do service in any way because I get so much from it. The joy I receive from helping women study God's word and build valuable relationships with each other is enormous! I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't find a ministry that's "harder" so I can feel like I'm "suffering" more for the Lord.

Then I remember that I have two toddlers and that is the ministry that tests my metal every day.

Some women are born to be mothers. I mean that in a theoretical sense more than a literal one. The fact that I have two kids means that I was born to be a mother, as well, but not the way that some women are. I love my boys. More than life. I also think I'm a pretty OK mommy. But I don't love motherhood the way that some women seem to. I was just talking with a girlfriend of mine last week about articles you read in magazines or women you see on TV who seem to feel utterly euphoric about having toddlers. I simply don't feel that way. I feel euphoric about my boys themselves. Not having to play my 3 millionth game of CandyLand or microwave my 7 millionth chicken nugget or change my 10 millionth diaper.

So if you are one of the women out there who has no greater joy than to wash sippy cups and play with play-doh, I salute you. I am not that woman. Yet I do all of those things and will continue to, because I love my boys.

I am so thankful, though, that my God knows me well enough to know that I needed a little something else. Something that was all mine and yet all His, too. Something that would give me joy and create in me an enthusiasm for this life beyond potty seats. Something that would allow me to be home, taking care of my most precious ministry, and yet still have a ministry outside of the walls of my apartment. The Lord is good. And I am grateful.


Rachel July 22, 2008 at 4:03 PM  

I am like you. I love my children, but motherhood... not so much.
I have had so many people tell me that they think I should do something "on the side." Like that would help me in my job as a mother. Your story here has encouraged me!

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