The Doctor

I will never forget when I was about 8-months pregnant with Elijah and a girlfriend asked me if I had chosen a pediatrician yet. Immediately my brain went into panic mode. Not only had I not chosen one, it hadn't even occured to me that I would need to. I know that seems unfathomable, but having your first child is an overwhelming process and I was just happy that we had our crib set up! (Not to mention the fact that it doesn't take a hormonally crazy 8-month pregnant lady much to go into panic mode). So I asked my friend who her pediatrician was. I figured this was perfect...I trusted her, I will trust her pediatrician, problem solved. She went on to tell me how great her pediatrician was and how so-and-so and so-and-so (friends of ours) take their kids to him also and he was listed in Portland Monthly as one of the top 3 pediatricians in Oregon. Awesome! I went from panic to glee in moments. I had hit the jackpot of pediatricians. She finished her description by telling me that he was so good he had to CLOSE HIS PRACTICE! Ouch. Back to panic. Not only did I not have a pediatrician for my baby, I now knew I would never be part of the club of moms who took their kids to Dr. Perfect Pediatrician. I was heart-broken. I settled for second-best and called his clinic anyway. I figured if he was that good, the doctors he chose to practice with were probably pretty good, also. When I called, the gal at the front asked me which doctor I would like to schedule an appointment with. I told her that I really wanted Dr. Perfect Pediatrician, but I knew his practice was closed, so I would like an appointment with Dr. Second-Best. She then told me that Dr. Perfect had just opened his practice for newborns and he would be happy to see our baby! I was so happy I did a little dance! So fast-forward 2 years and both of our boys are patients of Dr. Perfect and he has indeed, been pretty perfect.

That doesn't mean that I like taking my kids to the doctor. On the contrary. I hate it. I feel like I am going on a job interview, where I am proving to everyone there that I am an acceptable candidate for the position of Mother of Elijah and Micah. Please understand, no one there makes me feel this way....it is entirely self-imposed. All of my insecurities as a mother come to a raging head when I am there. I wonder how my kids and I compare to the moms who were there before and after us. It's so silly. But I love my kids, and I want to do right by them. So I have high expectations for myself and going to the pediatrician is probably the closest I will have on this earth as a job review.

Why am I typing all of this? Because Micah has a 9-month checkup with Dr. Perfect today and I need prayer. I am starting to feel that anxiety that I feel whenever it's doctor day and I know it's wrong. I have no reason to believe my kids and I won't compare just fine to the other moms that have been there today, but I think the real problem is....I shouldn't be comparing. It's so tempting as moms to be comparing ourselves and our kids to the moms and kids around us and it is nothing but destructive. So pray for me today, that I feel confident that God has equipped me to raise these kids, and as long as I am listening to Him, I will do right by them. And moms, I will pray the same for you!